Random Thoughts - On Procrastination, and (Maybe) Curbing it

I'm lazy. I have no qualms saying it, because I know it's true. I don't want to even try to hide the fact that I am lazy. I would fail spectacularly and spend way too much energy on it. My procrastination would not allow it.

According to my parents, it was not always like this. They've said, many times over the years, that when I was a wee lad, I'd be the first to get up in the morning. By the time they got up, I'd be ready to go to school, my bed was made, and the breakfast table would be set. Helas, sometime, somehow, somewhere, that energy got lost in a long-forgotten crack.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still the first to get up. My internal clock consistently wakes me up about 15 minutes before the actual alarm. And back when I still ate breakfast, I'd set the table for it, and get everything ready. I'm much slower than I was in my teens and pre-teens, though. And there are things I can't be bothered with, like making my bed. Or ironing my shirts (or most, if not all, clothing, to be honest... If you hang it, most will be OK with being folded and put away).

Or a laundry list of tasks I have pending, that right now include, but are not limited to: replacing a power socket; translating my old articles; write new articles (I have a few ideas in my head, but, much as this article, they'll be spinning around for at least a few days, before I either drop them, or start writing them); upgrade my home server; set up Home Assistant; and a bunch more, ranging from quick and easy to not-so-easy and lengthy.

Oddly enough, I'm seldom, if ever, lazy at work. Though to be fair, I do my best and can spend rather large amounts of time finding ways to optimize my workflow. So I can "return to idle" as soon as possible. I don't like clutter on my desk (yet another item on my to-do list at home, decluttering). Having a bunch of different things to work on triggers my anxiety, so "inbox zero" is something I strive for. Which, luckily, has the added benefit of being quick to get things done, pleasing both my bosses and my brain.

The major cause of my procrastination these days is my anxiety. Up until a couple of years ago, depression also contributed, since fatigue is one of its side effects. Before, I felt too tired to do anything. Today, I become overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I have to do, and thus shut down, so I don't have to think about it. Never mind that if I don't do those things now, they'll still be there later, plus whatever else that gets piled up on top of it. I'll shut down and look at random videos on YouTube, or get lost playing Sudoku on my phone.

But I have been starting to feel like I've been able to, at a slow pace, start curbing some of my laziness. It's something that's still very much a work in progress. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep at it, so I can integrate the new practices as habits, which are easier to maintain. Fingers crossed that I won't get another bout of the "butidontwannas" anytime soon.

As with my diet, curbing my procrastination is something years in the making. I've only been able to manage my weight by changing things bit by bit, and over a rather long period. My current diet started 9 months ago. The only reason I was able to stick to it was because it was not very different than the way I had been eating since 2016. Which had already been allowing me to slowly lose weight by making tiny switches here and there.

Curbing procrastination started with a request my therapist made about three years ago. That request was for me to include as much walking outside as I could in my daily life. As I commute to work, it was simple to walk the first and last chunks of my commute. So I added a total of about 30 minutes a day outside walking. That also had the side effect of improving my dreadful physical condition: no exercise and 12+ hours a day sitting down for several years. My 20-something self could brush that off, but my 30-something self cannot. It also helped with weight loss and contributed to my mental well-being.

For about a year, now, and also at the request of my therapist, I have tried to find some kind of sport activity to complement the daily walks. Most of my attempts on that front have been unsuccessful. My house is too small for a home gym. I still have some equipment, from the last time I tried to get in shape, sometime in the early 2010s, but I realized the gym brings me no joy whatsoever. Pumping iron is not for me, and being stuck inside looking at walls makes my mind wander to places it shouldn't. Plus, yoga classes are either too late in the workdays, or way too early on weekends, so those were a no-go, too.

Which led me to buy a bike, a couple of months ago. A foldable, electrically-assisted, bike (it's a Nilox X1, for those wondering). I had been thinking about getting one for a while, but money was tight, so it was not exactly easy. Luckily, I was able to get a discount on it. And I was also able to take advantage of a state-offered rebate for new electric vehicles. So, a roughly €500 investment ended up as a €150 one. Dor a basic electric bike I can take home with me and can store without losing too much floor space.

You'd think switching from a roughly 20-minute commute on foot (I no longer need to take public transit, since I moved jobs) to a 5-minute-on-the-dot commute by bike is probably not a great idea when it comes to procrastination, since it allows me even more downtime to waste watching cat videos and the like, but oddly enough the result has been very different.

On one side, it has allowed me (by necessity, but whatever works, right?) to bike to places I never even thought I'd be able to go, with an approximate 20Km roundtrip. This is actually the expected range of my bike, though I turn the electric motor off when I'm coasting downhill, or on flat areas. So, I never had to deal with an empty battery on a 20Kg single-speed bike.

And, on the other side, it has allowed me to build up my confidence, both while biking and on other areas of my life. Biking is still rather scary for me. I don't have a metal shell around me for protection, as I do in a car. So, getting comfortable while in traffic is a work in progress. But little by little, I've been able to be more confident about what I'm doing while biking. As well as asserting my space in traffic, and that has also spilled over to my personal life.

The result is that, for the last week or so, I've been both less reluctant to go places by bike, but also actively chose to bike somewhere, just because I could, and it would not be too difficult. So, a couple of days ago I decided to go about 20 minutes out of my way to a store, to check up a promotion. Which is not typical of me. And yesterday I ended up biking for almost 40 minutes to take care of an errand I could resolve online. Which is completely unheard of for me, and that probably explains why my knees hate me, lately.

Other changes I've made over the last couple of years include getting a fitness tracker (a Xiaomi Mi Band 3) and using a to-do app.
The app I ended up choosing was Todoist. The free version has everything I use daily. This includes a nifty "karma" functionality that informs you of how many tasks you've completed, and how many days in a row you hit your defined minimum number of tasks. Two tiny little extras that keep me engaged with the app enough to include it in my daily routine.
And, as with everything else, I started small, with one or two tasks a day. Simple things that keep me busy for a few minutes at a time, but moving along on what I should (and need) to be doing anyway.

I'm still lazy. I doubt I'll ever NOT be lazy, even after all the changes I've done to my life, and those I'm sure I'll end up doing. Because it's better (and easier) for me in the long run. Which is to say my procrastination is, and most likely will always be, a part of me.

That said, that doesn't mean it's impossible to do something about that particular trait, and curbing it.